honey

you are sweet as the honey
that your home-stay mother loves.
I will bathe in the rich gold viscosity,
and perhaps you will be tempted to lick it off,
inch by inch,
until you have bathed my body fully
and tasted every part.
then maybe you'll hold my body,
soaking wet,
until you're just as moist.
then you will breathe me in
and I will be in your lungs,
like so much of the rest of me is in your heart.

something interesting to ponder

"I don't know if you're beautiful, because I love you too much." - The Magnetic Fields

Something about that strikes me as true. I guess you could never know if someone is objectively beautiful if you really loved them, because they would be beautiful no matter what in your eyes. Then again, if you look at it in another light, there is no objectivity to things such as beauty. You know the saying... and it's true. Often the people we are drawn to (especially romantically) are beautiful to our own standards right away. I know there are exceptions to that... some people fall in love first, then become attracted. Though that seems odd and backwards to me. Oh well.

Love is a funny thing. And oh, so powerful.

and now, for an amusing interlude

There have only been 3 lectures of Roman Civ, but that doesn't stop me from putting up Chesley quotes already!

[goes on about Roman porn, then] "It's just getting awkward and I'm going to move on."

"Latin... will make you a better person."
^true story.

[about some cashew shells on the podium] "The econ department tends to leave tokens of its presence everywhere it goes..."

"Rarely do classics professors show up with a [air quotes] 'posse'."

[rapidly flips between powerpoint slides] "Take notes now, suckers!"

[talks about how wearing W&M gear is like saying you're superior to others] "Suck on that, Mr. Sonic!"

Don't worry, there will be more :D

we are as one

"everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings." - Rainer Maria Rilke



we are as one,
with one voice we call out to each other in the darkness,
speaking of how we miss the other.
perhaps in this time of absence we are slightly lost,
without the other there by our side.
we both hold the same feelings in our hearts, you and I,
for each other, and for so many things.
te quiero y me quieres,
como uno sentimiento.

I don't wanna roommate!

Really, that's all this is about. I am really enjoying living alone and not looking forward to accommodating someone else's schedule and likes/dislikes. Ah well, the perils of college dormitories. I am going to savor these last alone days for all they're worth.



I want to whine and be like, please no roommate! Can't I have a single! Rarrrr.

But anyway, I finished adorning my walls with Jeff (for now, more will probably be added later). Now I just need to create a creepy little shrine and start meditating over it or praying to it or something.

a break in reading

'If I could speak words of water,
You would drown when I said
"I love you."' - Spike Milligan

I talked to Jeff last night - it was excellent. I am disappointed in myself a bit because I let his talk of plans after college depress me a bit. However, for the rest of it, it was great. He is so thoughtful. I went through a bit of a time afterwards worried that maybe we were slowly falling apart... but then I realized it was just my stupid mind and that despite him not being quite as eloquent about his feelings as I feel he would be, he loves me just as much as I love him. I know that. Perhaps it comes across better when he is physically here. But I must remember that. I fully trust him and believe that our love and commitment will pull us through anything.

Anyway, I should get back to reading. I am very happy that I got to hear from Jeff. He took lots of pictures of horses just for me!

espero

esperar (v) - to wait; to hope

I wait and hope. Espero.

My heart longs for you to be here - it aches from your absence and especially because I haven't heard from you since on Thursday. I am not upset - I knew it would be this way, but it makes me long for you, for your presence, for at least your voice or even just your written word.

So, until we talk again, I wait and hope.

Just like these four months is basically waiting and hoping - there's a lot of living in between but I am waiting for you to return and hoping that we can make it work. I am very optimistic about that.

Yo espero.

some things I found that are true

"you are seventeen million miles away, you know.
i calculated it - one mile for everytime i missed you." - same ghost

And that's an understatement.

" Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.

Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival." - Pablo Neruda

My kisses float over the sea towards you. Towards the sunrise you see first.

And this last one... I found it in my heart.

The perfect picture to accentuate the following poem (written by me) is this.

My love can still reach you. You are never too far for that.

My kisses float over the sea towards you,
towards the sunrise you see first,
and the exotic land with which
you grace your presence.

Here I love you
with the strength of a thousand men
and I know it will pull you back eventually.
Here my heart still pounds
when they mention your name.
Here my dreams take me there,
to where you are awake,
because we are nearly in opposite time zones.

And the miles seem so far,
and I have only seen the Pacific Ocean
much further south than where
I would have to swim to reach you.

Boats can do it.
I cannot.
But my love can reach you,
taking no time at all.

first couple days

clubs, originally uploaded by marichica88.

So I'm back at W&M and all is okay. At first (as you may know from that poem) the missing Jeff was worse because everything, EVERYTHING, makes me think of him. Eating lunch with Rachel A, Marc, Zach, and Carolyn there were mushrooms. The mushrooms reminded me of him (so did MWF lunch in general...). I just put up the Japanese car poster he and Steve made... it's good stuff. I need to print out some photos to put all over my walls. I have just recently moved into the Spanish house, which I believe will be fun and helpful. I am glad actually that everything reminds me of Jeff, because it is almost like he is in everything I do. And I know it is the same way for him... he saw the poem and said that he was thinking of writing the same thing. So we are keeping each other in our hearts. And everything else! And we talk fairly frequently at the moment, and message each other every day at least. So we are very much in touch and it's nearly like we're still together... I was a bit lonely last night, so I was like woo juggling club! But then it turned out juggling club made me think "oh, but it's not the same without Jeff" and I got all emotional and broke down a bit... Then it was fun after I pulled myself together. However, after coming home from juggling club, I was a bit apart again. I think that will only go on for the first little bit... I am already feeling happier and more optimistic.

So anyway, I should really be reading for tomorrow.

everything

dark tree against sky, originally uploaded by marichica88.

everything - that is what reminds me of you.
coming back to school, I thought friends would be a comfort,
but at least at first it rings of emptiness - there is no you,
and there is everything to make me think of you.
the friends we have in common,
the place we live,
my bed,
my juggling balls,
a particular situation I think would amuse you,
a movie,
nearly every song,
every inch of this campus,
things that you made me,
things we made or won together,
some juice you gave me,
even the sprinkling of snow today.
it is these things - and more -
that make me think of you.
you are constantly on my mind and -
everything teases of your presence,
but the only place it really is, is inside.
or everywhere. depending on how you look at it.

today in the life of me

Roseland, originally uploaded by marichica88.

I got up at 9 to see if Jeff was on... he wasn't, and by 10, after I had been reading Narbonic I was tired so I went back to bed until noon, then was lazy and didn't finish eating lunch until 2. I checked the mail and had to go back to the post office for 5 more packages (I'm up to 15 books now). Then I decided since it was nice out I would go walk in Onancock and take some pictures. Then I laid around reading til Mom got home and we had dinner. Not long after that Jeff was on and we talked on Skype for about an hour. Good times! Jeff Black and Corbin are over so I guess there will be some Rock Band later. Tomorrow mom and I are going to Salisbury and then there's going to be a birthday dinner for me at home, then Sunday on my actual birthday we're going to the Mexican place, also for my birthday. :) I am probably going back to W&M on Monday. Looks like I don't have a job at the Grind... I guess I'll see about the rock wall. I am really in love with Jeff. That's about it. :)

dealing with it

Well, it's already been kind of hard with Jeff gone. I know though that I will adjust, but I went through a bit of a freaking-out and immaturely-overreacting thing. I've decided that what I need to do is just decide to be happy for Jeff that he's in Japan and be happy with any news he can bring me. I think that should do it.

I went to BVA yesterday for an alumni luncheon. There were only like 8 alumni there... pretty lame. 3 of us were from W&M! Anyway, it was fun to see the few teachers I know who are still there. Also I got to meet the new Latin teacher who seems cool. It felt weird being back... but good too.

I haven't been doing much that's exciting, today I've mostly read and played video games, though I got to talk to Jeff this morning on AIM for a bit. It's really overcast but I went out and took pictures in the yard. Here's an interesting one:




That's all I had to say really.

horses

Louie in the sunlight, originally uploaded by marichica88.

Today mom and I went to the barn so I could take some pictures. It was an absolutely beautiful day... about 65 or more degrees, and the light was amazing. I got some excellent pictures and got to visit my wonderful boy, who is just as sweet as ever. Awww... I love Louie :)

Ocean City

fading in the distance, originally uploaded by marichica88.

My parents and I walked around in Ocean city yesterday. It was fun, but tiring, and I took lots of pictures.

you are somewhere in the air

trails, originally uploaded by marichica88.

Like these trails I see all the time over here, you're up there making trails, over the Pacific most likely. I am thinking of you though. I have been all day. I hope your flight is going well. Everything reminds me of you. I want you to have a good time. As my mom said, this amount of time is just about the same as a summer vacation. So it's not that bad. I'm going to adjust, you're going to adjust. And you're going to make trails across the sky, until you come back to me.

a short prayer

amen, originally uploaded by marichica88.

Please let Jeff get to Japan safely.

Amen.

have a safe flight

thinking of you-
you're probably sitting in your seat right now,
I can see it in my mind.
you're settling in.
you're excited but a little nervous and little awed.
you look around the plane.
no one is equal to you.
I can see that without looking.
you're going to be flying away,
the plane will carry you far from me.
you're adjusting the air to blast you
so you can stay awake and alert.
people are filing in left and right.
you nod to the guy on your left.
this is all in my imagination,
but still you shine like a star there.
nothing is equal to you.
my world will be duller when that plane takes off.

A Week of Jeff

Oh, and what a good week it was. I of course enjoy Jeff's company immensely, and also that of his friends. Some highlights: we went to the zoo with Tim, Alex, and Stan; went to Tim's New Year's Eve party; watched Juno with Alex and Vogel and Senya; ate delicious food; etc. Good times. I was really glad to see him before he left for Japan for four months. He will be flying out of Dulles in about 30 minutes. I will miss the hell out of him. Yet I'm really happy for him. He's going to have a great time. Yesterday when I got home I cried a lot, but I composed myself later and now I'm okay. Both my brother (who has long-distance relationship experience) and my mom (whose advice is always good) say it will take a couple weeks but once I get used to it, it'll be okay, and he'll be back before I know it. I am confident that our relationship will thrive even in such trying circumstances. Anyway, I'm gonna go be a lead singer for Rock Band. Hehe.

Fun Fact to Know and Tell!

Last night, Jeff and I sampled a persimmon for the first time. It tasted very good but we were very off-put by the smell, which to be honest smelled exactly like human semen. So we tried to figure out why. It turns out that persimmons contain pyrroline, a compound also found in semen and which gives it its distinctive smell. Some people claim that neither semen nor persimmons smell like much of anything - that is because one in six people cannot smell pyrroline! I thought this was really interesting.