the return of the SX100

My camera magically healed itself. Here are some results.

back then

Remember what it was like
when it was just a crush?
Every second with you
was tense and questioning.
Interpret every twitch,
pull inevitably closer,
step away at last.
Oh the awkward glances and sighs,
and the ‘does-he-like-me-too?’

Sometimes I wish we could step back to those days.
I love the closeness now,
but still I look back on the
almost-hug-pull-back-repeat
with fondness.

unwanted thoughts

there in your brain
it starts to flower again
though you pulled it out
once and for all.
but it has spread like a tumor,
malignant, fast, and terminal,
and there's nothing you can do but succumb.
you try to burn it
but it grows back,
and you rip it to pieces
but it is suddenly whole.

like any weed,
you have to pull out the roots
to the very last fibre
before it will stay away for good.

my love affair with kayaking

Well, I decided to take the Kayaking class through the Kinesiology department this semester. It was a White Water Kayaking class. It met once a week for two hours and was worth 1 credit. It might have costed sixty extra bucks or so. We started off in the Adair pool learning how to do Eskimo rescue, some turning techniques, and braces. At first, I would panic as soon as I got underwater, and couldn't master the Eskimo rescue. I went in for extra help and still wasn't getting it. We started going out on Lake Matoaka in late February, and started to learn how to go straight. It's not as easy as you think in kayaks made for white water. They are incredibly responsive, which is great for rapids, but not so great for the lake. I felt good about being out on the water, I mean, I've had quite a bit of kayaking experience. In late March we had one class in the pool to do Eskimo rolls. I went through a lot of the Eskimo rolling progression but then asked Randy (my instructor) to help me with Eskimo rescues instead. I knew I needed to get them down. And it finally clicked for me that day, and I felt really good about it. Last Friday, April 11, was the white water trip I went on. I was really scared the day before, but on that day I was mostly excited and just a bit nervous. It was a beautiful day: sunny, warm, a bit of a breeze. The water was cold but it felt refreshing. We were running the Appomattox River in Petersburg, VA. It has a canal that follows it for awhile, and we paddled up the canal until just below the old mill (where it stops). We took our kayaks over to the river side, and did some scouting. Randy showed us the best way to get through the first Class I rapids, and then we were to stop in a big eddy. I was nervous but after running those rapids I was just feeling good about it. After stopping we practiced ferrying across the river, and eddy turns and peel outs. We then went onto the first Class II rapid, called Z. My back end hit the rocks but that was okay... no harm done. We kept going along until the next Class II, called Picnic. On Picnic Randy said 'head left towards that flat rock, then cut right and stay in the middle and there's a surprise at the end.' When I went down, I got in the right place and found the surprise! Huge standing waves at the end! And it was a fast rapid. Lots of fun! We stopped at the island and sat on the rocks that made up the rapid and ate lunch. Then we kept going. There was one other cool Class II rapid called Snake Drop. It was basically just a steep drop, and the island where you stop is often covered in sunning snakes. It wasn't that day. Both Picnic and Snake Drop drenched me in water. It was so much fun. We had to carry our boats a quarter mile across an island at the end, but it was all good. Today there was an extra, optional rolling session. I went, and successfully did several Eskimo rolls! Sweet! Several people have commented on how graceful and natural I seem in a kayak. I attribute it to my riding experience. And I love it.

painting with light

your love lights my darkness, originally uploaded by marichica88.

So my mom gave me a pen which has a laser pointer on it. Naturally, I use it to take long exposure shots to write things. You can call it "painting with light." It's fun, and looks cool.

scent

tree flowers, originally uploaded by marichica88.

I breathe the scent of a spring night,
freshly cleansed with rain,
the air is fine and clear and sweet.
Is that honeysuckle on its lips?
This I delight in until -
woe of most misfortune -
I pass cigarette smoke
and my lungs reject it.
Finally that dreadful second
is gone -
and my nose drinks in
the sweet spring smell again.
It happily remembers
other times I've smelled this -
and then all of a sudden
my mind brings up your scent again.
I'm struck by the fact that it has not left me.
I can conjure it at will.
And then a smile steals my features
and I want to bury myself in you yet again.

More look-alike nonsense

I did Jeff on that thing. It says he looks most like Adam Sandler.

Jeff

Adam Sandler (via Flickr)

What do you think?

America beckons

come back to me,
America says.
I have missed you.
I can't wait to feed you full of fat again -
if you get the runs,
it will be all the more endearing.
when the sun sets here,
she cries,
I wish you could see it.
marvel at my beautiful curves,
never mind that I grew several sizes
since you left.
I keep everyone safe.
Not literally -
only in the sense that they feel it.
I love you, I really do,
but at the same time -
I could care less.
So come back or don't.
Just don't leave me waiting.
I'm very impatient.

light up the sky with our fire

music videos, movies,
drilling the idea in my head:
I want to draw you into my arms
and kiss you like forever.
I don't need to draw a breath
if I can just breathe you.
In my mind,
let this never stop.
We will spread our love,
a blanket on the ground.
Laying on that blanket under the stars,
we will identify the constellations
and light up the sky with our fire.

Celebrity Look-alike

So my friends on Facebook have been putting up this myheritage.com celebrity look-alikes thing. I tested it out, it said I look most like Cameron Diaz. Agree? Disagree? See for yourself.


Me
Cameron Diaz (courtesy of Wire Image)

sapling

fourteen months ago today...
an awkward kiss,
establishing contact,
my mind is running a thousand miles an hour -
what do I do now? can I touch him?
is he mine?
click online and ask.
are we? is this?

yes.
we planted a tree that day.

---

Happy 14 month anniversary!!!

melt

I know I'd melt under the touch of your fingers too.
you wouldn't have too pierce the slight crunch
of the outer shell to the smooth center
to get me to yield to you.
in the mouth or in the hand -
I will melt so quickly,
because your mouth and your hands
heat me up so well.

my whole body and soul
ache to see you,
as the dawn aches to
meet the day.

I am running low on water,
dehydrating,
my desert thirsts for rain.

rain your love down on me.

honey

you are sweet as the honey
that your home-stay mother loves.
I will bathe in the rich gold viscosity,
and perhaps you will be tempted to lick it off,
inch by inch,
until you have bathed my body fully
and tasted every part.
then maybe you'll hold my body,
soaking wet,
until you're just as moist.
then you will breathe me in
and I will be in your lungs,
like so much of the rest of me is in your heart.

we are as one

"everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings." - Rainer Maria Rilke



we are as one,
with one voice we call out to each other in the darkness,
speaking of how we miss the other.
perhaps in this time of absence we are slightly lost,
without the other there by our side.
we both hold the same feelings in our hearts, you and I,
for each other, and for so many things.
te quiero y me quieres,
como uno sentimiento.

I don't wanna roommate!

Really, that's all this is about. I am really enjoying living alone and not looking forward to accommodating someone else's schedule and likes/dislikes. Ah well, the perils of college dormitories. I am going to savor these last alone days for all they're worth.



I want to whine and be like, please no roommate! Can't I have a single! Rarrrr.

But anyway, I finished adorning my walls with Jeff (for now, more will probably be added later). Now I just need to create a creepy little shrine and start meditating over it or praying to it or something.

first couple days

clubs, originally uploaded by marichica88.

So I'm back at W&M and all is okay. At first (as you may know from that poem) the missing Jeff was worse because everything, EVERYTHING, makes me think of him. Eating lunch with Rachel A, Marc, Zach, and Carolyn there were mushrooms. The mushrooms reminded me of him (so did MWF lunch in general...). I just put up the Japanese car poster he and Steve made... it's good stuff. I need to print out some photos to put all over my walls. I have just recently moved into the Spanish house, which I believe will be fun and helpful. I am glad actually that everything reminds me of Jeff, because it is almost like he is in everything I do. And I know it is the same way for him... he saw the poem and said that he was thinking of writing the same thing. So we are keeping each other in our hearts. And everything else! And we talk fairly frequently at the moment, and message each other every day at least. So we are very much in touch and it's nearly like we're still together... I was a bit lonely last night, so I was like woo juggling club! But then it turned out juggling club made me think "oh, but it's not the same without Jeff" and I got all emotional and broke down a bit... Then it was fun after I pulled myself together. However, after coming home from juggling club, I was a bit apart again. I think that will only go on for the first little bit... I am already feeling happier and more optimistic.

So anyway, I should really be reading for tomorrow.

everything

dark tree against sky, originally uploaded by marichica88.

everything - that is what reminds me of you.
coming back to school, I thought friends would be a comfort,
but at least at first it rings of emptiness - there is no you,
and there is everything to make me think of you.
the friends we have in common,
the place we live,
my bed,
my juggling balls,
a particular situation I think would amuse you,
a movie,
nearly every song,
every inch of this campus,
things that you made me,
things we made or won together,
some juice you gave me,
even the sprinkling of snow today.
it is these things - and more -
that make me think of you.
you are constantly on my mind and -
everything teases of your presence,
but the only place it really is, is inside.
or everywhere. depending on how you look at it.

you are somewhere in the air

trails, originally uploaded by marichica88.

Like these trails I see all the time over here, you're up there making trails, over the Pacific most likely. I am thinking of you though. I have been all day. I hope your flight is going well. Everything reminds me of you. I want you to have a good time. As my mom said, this amount of time is just about the same as a summer vacation. So it's not that bad. I'm going to adjust, you're going to adjust. And you're going to make trails across the sky, until you come back to me.

a short prayer

amen, originally uploaded by marichica88.

Please let Jeff get to Japan safely.

Amen.

have a safe flight

thinking of you-
you're probably sitting in your seat right now,
I can see it in my mind.
you're settling in.
you're excited but a little nervous and little awed.
you look around the plane.
no one is equal to you.
I can see that without looking.
you're going to be flying away,
the plane will carry you far from me.
you're adjusting the air to blast you
so you can stay awake and alert.
people are filing in left and right.
you nod to the guy on your left.
this is all in my imagination,
but still you shine like a star there.
nothing is equal to you.
my world will be duller when that plane takes off.